Whose idea was it to fill the moat
With lava? Now it’s cooled, turned to stone, 
And Mario can easily storm the castle’s keep. 
Except it’s too late, the princess is asleep 

In the arms of her new lizard lover. 
Our hero’s waited so long he’s lost her. 
Oh yes, Super Mario Bros is really the tale
Of a woman who found her fetish for scales. 

So Princess Peach and Helen of Troy
Run away with their lovers
And are pursued by jealous men
Controlled by the hands and passions of boys. 
So many innocents crushed beneath the plumber’s
Boots. So much turtle blood. Hit reset, start again.

David Gustavsen is a student at Indiana University's Department of Library Science, where he studies digital graffiti and works to preserve endangered audio recordings. Recent work can be found in Gabby, Stirring Lit, Pacifica, and Really System. If you see him, say hi! @notmyles